Tuesday, September 22, 2009

experiment of THAT girl

I have this guy friend that I've known for 8 years, and he is one of those solid guys that you know would be a great dad and husband and is so sweet, but has absolutely no "edge".  We dated briefly eight years ago, for like, two weeks... and then I made-out with his roommate because the attraction really wasn't there for me with Solid Guy (I do realize that was just rude of me, but it got the point across to him after explaining to him I didn't want to date anymore and he kept asking to make out... when he saw my shoes in the living room and his roommate's door closed, it finally became apparent to him that I was serious about not dating him.  Wrong.  So wrong.  But it did the trick.).  But nevertheless, our friendship remained intact and we have been good friends ever since.  The only thing we really disagree about is the fact that he would still like to date me... the entire time Ive known him he's said to me, "give me a week, and you'll want another one!"

So for the last eight years, of course, I've just laughed it off, and denied requests to date and see what happens.  But about a month ago I got to thinking about it.  Maybe it's because of the new way I'm doing things as far as dating and not wanting to be the Hook-up girl... I dunno.  But, I figured that I needed to see what it was like actually dating a good guy, and since Solid Guy is one of the best guys I know, why not just give him a week?!

So, I texted him (lame I know, to text relationship stuff) and said that I would give him a week to woo me and he texted back asking me to go to the Poison/ Def Leppard concert that night!  What a fun first date!  I was stoked.  We ended up having a blast, and we got along really, really well, so I was like, "ok, I really need to see if the attraction is there now, so we need to make-out", and of course he was down for that. (What guy would say no?? he he he).  So we made a date to see if the physical chemistry was there to go along with just plain old enjoying each other's company.

Since he's a really good guy, he is pretty strict with his code of conduct while making out.  Nothing, absolutely nothing, is taken below the waist, and he is waiting for marriage.  I can respect that.  I think it's great, and such a sweet thing to do for his future wife.  But three hours of just kissing gets a little old.  And no matter what I tried to do as far as trying to do something else like eat the chocolate cake we had ordered for dessert, or watch a movie, he couldn't be deterred from my mouth.  I guess it would have been fine if I had felt some sort of spark between us physically, but there was NOTHING.  For me.  I was really disappointed.  So I ended up leaving prematurely, and went home.

The whole way home I kept thinking, "I can't do this. I CAN'T do this".  How sad.  Physical Chemistry is huge for me.  It HAS to be there.  I don't know if it's because he's a good guy, and I'm used to other types of men, or what?  But the one week experiment was a bust... it only lasted 5 days. 

So now, he's wanting another chance to make me see that I can be attracted to him... and as much as I would like to be, I know it's just not gonna happen.  I'm torn.  Love hanging out with him, but making out just isn't an option.  Which is a problem because now he won't just hang out with me... he wants the make out with it.  Grrr.  Why???

Anyway, I guess I'm back to square one now.  Why is it that the guys that just want to use us are so intriguing??  And why are the solid ones not physically stimulating or satisfying?? Maybe good guys do finish last.  Because of us.  Because we need just a little edge to feel stimulated.  Because without it, we are bored.  How sad and wrong.  But I guess those are the same reasons men love bitches.  We all want a little excitement and the feeling of security and soildness isn't very exciting.  Yeah, it's nice but just a tad bit boring.  Wanting what we can't have is human nature because it stimulates us and provides a challenge.  Progression.   It sounds like I have a lot more inner work to do than I thought.  I'm a little frustrated.  But at least I did something differently for a change.  Maybe I just need to leap a little more, and a little more often.  It's a numbers game, right?  Baby steps.  


  1. I'd suggest going out with a nice guy who is responsible, has a decent job (or at least dedicates himself to it fully when he is there), loves his mom (but not TOO much -- you know what I mean!), but has a filthy, dirty, downright raunchy or twisted sense of humor. Mine isn't the *best* looking, but he's better and better every day... besides, looks aren't always everything. Perhaps listing the things you do and do not want in a mate might be of some help? :)


  2. i reckon its the good boy personality and bad boy in the bedroom combination that gets me, best of both worlds then :) because really, making out for three hours? who wants to do that day after day?!

  3. If I werent dark and mysterious....you would have nothing to do with me..... LOL

  4. Such great advice... just have to find the right combo of nice and naughty that does it for me, I suppose. There are so many variables of "nice", so I'm not going to give up on the "nice guy" idea just yet!

    Oh, and yeah... 3 hours... WAY too long ;)

  5. Definitely a numbers game. And you made the right call with 'Solid Guy'. I married my 'Solid Guy' then had to break his heart with a divorce. Awful.

  6. Oh, wow Kitty... that's so sad! That is EXACTLY what I would like to avoid. I hope things are better for you though, now.